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To spank, or not to spank, that is the question.
Here are two articles which obviously take polar oppositions of this action. Unfortunately, I don't have children so I can't claim to be completely knowledgeable on this subject matter. However, I did have parents, and I do have a host of nieces and nephews who knew that I would give them the world inside the walls of my home; however, disobedience may be something they did at home with they mamas, but not in my house; and not in front of me. As for my parents, every whoopin' I got, I deserved and yes I said whoopin' not spanking. I'm black. We Whoop kids. This is an extremely personal opinion but if you don't discipline your kids then that action, or lack thereof is a contribution to the overwhelming disregard and disrespect for authority that we see in the youth today. Not every child needs a whippin' some naturally respond to authority and some how are just not "Naughty by nature." However, some of these children need physical discipline and the people out there with those kids know who you are. If you're not whoopin' them, then let me invite you now to get yourself a Madea video, and break 'em off a branch.
Article #1
Discipline Your kids
I was munching on a burger, glancing at the day’s newspaper when a mother and two small children sat down at a distant booth in the restaurant. As the mom left briefly, probably to the ladies room, the boy and girl, maybe about 8 and 6, went into action.
They were apparently arguing over possession of the onion rings, when the boy went into a fit of anger and began throwing food! The splat of all beef patties could be heard slapping the face of his sister — the spray of mustard and ketchup hung ominously in the air before raining over the floor and nearby tables.
Not to be outdone, the little girl, with every ounce of strength heaved the tray, along with the coveted onion rings, down his shirt. And to top it off, she poured the full 20 ounces of her Dr. Pepper on his pants. Her face beamed with pride, as though awaiting the applause of the spectators.
By this time, the entire dining room had stopped in mid-bite, forks in hand, awaiting round two of what seemed to be a lightweight championship.
But then the real drama began as the mother had returned to the scene of the crime. The dining room was still — every eye and ear was open.
Surprisingly, there was no reprimand. “Could we have another order of sandwiches over here,” she said calmly, while wiping the faces of her fast food gladiators. Soda and condiments dripped steadily down the kids hair and clothing. Food and spatterings were on the walls and at least ten feet in every direction from the impact zone.
The manager emerged with a frown on his face. “Lady, I’m not gonna tell you how to raise your kids, but don’t you think a little discipline is in order here?” “If you mean a spanking, I’m afraid we just don’t believe in that. The children are just a bit grumpy today,” she said.
It may be my imagination, but I think there was a simultaneous gasp by the diners. Unless these children suffered some type of seizure, a good brisk spanking was probably in order, and would likely have invoked a standing ovation.
What’s happened to the thinking of modern parents? What ever happened to holding children accountable for their actions, and correcting...yes, even spanking them when they’re out of line?
From my perspective of the Bible, the scriptures not only provide an allowance for corporal punishment, such as “spanking,” but they actually mandate such discipline. The Bible says, “Don’t fail to correct your children; discipline won’t hurt them! They won’t die if you use a stick on them! Punishment will keep them out of hell” (Prov. 23:13 The Living Bible).
Of course, we’re not suggesting that parents should somehow abuse their children or beat them to a pulp. But moderate spanking on their bottom with some infliction of discomfort, has been, and will always be a vital means of correcting children. It was a significant mistake to ever remove it from our public school system. The lack of discipline is one of the greatest problems in today’s school rooms, and has contributed to a general disregard of authority and chaos in our land. The statistics seem to show that the abundance of crime in our nation is largely a result of the lack of loving parental role models and effective discipline in the home.
Why is there no discipline in the home and classroom? Largely because of a growing, Godless humanistic philosophy that denies the substance of absolute values and morality. Also, the sad reality of child abuse by dysfunctional parents has caused society to overreact toward all corporal punishment, fearing the extremities of abuse or the backlash of lawsuits.
Will discipline solve all problems with kids? No! The child must also know a parent’s love and affection, and must have a good role model to imitate. But don’t be misled, withholding discipline from children is not an act of love for them — rather, it is an act of love for ourselves, protecting our emotions from the fear of rejection by our child — or simply not caring about their future outcome. If we love our children we will undergo the ordeal of disciplining them. As the Bible says, “If you refuse to discipline your son, it proves you don’t love him; for if you love him, you will be prompt to punish him” (Prov. 13:24 The Living Bible).
Every Christian parent should bring correction to the behavior of their kids. The place to start is when they are small — not when they’re nearly grown up. Parents can find several good books on discipline at the Christian bookstore, such as James Dobson’s, “Dare To Discipline.”
Article #2
Ten Reasons Not to Hit Your Kids
by Jan Hunt, M.Sc.
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims, may be the most oppressive. Those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." - C.S. Lewis, 1952
In Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Finland, Iceland, Croatia, Cyprus, Latvia, Italy, Israel, Germany and Austria, it is illegal for a parent, teacher, or anyone else to spank a child. In some states and provinces, it is only illegal for a teacher to spank. In all areas of North America, physical punishment by a parent, as long as it is not severe, is still seen by many as necessary discipline, and condoned, or sadly, even encouraged.
For the past several years, many psychiatrists, sociological researchers, and parents have recommended that we seriously consider banning the physical punishment of children. The most important reason, according to Dr. Peter Newell, coordinator of the organization End Punishment of Children (EPOCH)1, is that "all people have the right to protection of their physical integrity, and children are people too."2
1. Hitting children teaches them to become hitters themselves. Extensive research data is now available to support a direct correlation between corporal punishment in childhood and aggressive or violent behavior in the teenage and adult years. Virtually all of the most dangerous criminals were regularly threatened and punished in childhood. It is nature's plan that children learn attitudes and behaviors through observation and imitation of their parents' actions, for good or ill. Thus it is the responsibility of parents to set an example of empathy and wisdom.
2. In many cases of so-called "bad behavior", the child is simply responding in the only way he can, given his age and experience, to neglect of basic needs. Among these needs are: proper sleep and nutrition, treatment of hidden allergy, fresh air, exercise, and sufficient freedom to explore the world around him. But his greatest need is for his parents' undivided attention. In these busy times, few children receive sufficient time and attention from their parents, who are often too distracted by their own problems and worries to treat their children with patience and empathy. It is surely wrong and unfair to punish a child for responding in a natural way to having important needs neglected. For this reason, punishment is not only ineffective in the long run, it is also clearly unjust.
3. Punishment distracts the child from learning how to resolve conflict in an effective and humane way. As the educator John Holt wrote, "When we make a child afraid, we stop learning dead in its tracks." A punished child becomes preoccupied with feelings of anger and fantasies of revenge, and is thus deprived of the opportunity to learn more effective methods of solving the problem at hand. Thus, a punished child learns little about how to handle or prevent similar situations in the future.
4. The phrase "Spare the rod and spoil the child" is not from the Bible but from Samuel Butler's "Hudibras", a 17th Century satirical poem. The poem, like his novel, The Way of All Flesh, was written to expose and denounce violence against children.
While the "rod" is mentioned many times in the Bible, it is only in the Book of Proverbs that this word is used in connection with parenting. The book of Proverbs is attributed to Solomon, an extremely cruel man whose harsh methods of discipline led his own son, Rehoboam, to become a tyrannical and oppressive dictator who only narrowly escaped being stoned to death for his cruelty. In the Bible there is no support for harsh discipline outside of Solomon's Proverbs. By contrast, the writings in the Gospels, the most important books in the Bible for Christians, contain the teachings of Jesus Christ, who urged mercy, forgiveness, humility, and non-violence. Jesus saw children as being close to God, and urged love, never punishment.3
5. Punishment interferes with the bond between parent and child, as it is not human nature to feel loving toward someone who hurts us. The true spirit of cooperation which every parent desires can arise only through a strong bond based on mutual feelings of love and respect. Punishment, even when it appears to work, can produce only superficially good behavior based on fear, which can only take place until the child is old enough to resist. In contrast, cooperation based on respect will last permanently, bringing many years of mutual happiness as the child and parent grow older.
6. Many parents never learned in their own childhood that there are positive ways of relating to children. When punishment does not accomplish the desired goals, and if the parent is unaware of alternative methods, punishment can escalate to more frequent and dangerous actions against the child.
7. Anger and frustration which cannot be safely expressed by a child become stored inside; angry teenagers do not fall from the sky. Anger that has been accumulating for many years can come as a shock to parents whose child now feels strong enough to express this rage. Punishment may appear to produce "good behavior" in the early years, but always at a high price, paid by parents and by society as a whole, as the child enters adolescence and early adulthood.
8. Spanking on the buttocks, an erogenous zone in childhood, can create in the child's mind an association between pain and sexual pleasure, and lead to difficulties in adulthood. "Spanking wanted" ads in alternative newspapers attest to the sad consequences of this confusion of pain and pleasure. If a child receives little parental attention except when being punished, this will further merge the concepts of pain and pleasure in the child's mind. A child in this situation will have little self-esteem, believing he deserves nothing better. For more on this topic, see "The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children" (also in French).
Even relatively moderate spanking can be physically dangerous. Blows to the lower end of the spinal column send shock waves along the length of the spine, and may injure the child. The prevalence of lower back pain among adults in our society may well have its origins in childhood punishment. Some children have become paralyzed through nerve damage from spanking, and some have died after mild paddlings, due to undiagnosed medical complications.
9. Physical punishment gives the dangerous and unfair message that "might makes right", that it is permissible to hurt someone else, provided they are smaller and less powerful than you are. The child then concludes that it is permissible to mistreat younger or smaller children. When he becomes an adult, he can feel little compassion for those less fortunate than he is, and fears those who are more powerful. This will hinder the establishment of meaningful relationships so essential to an emotionally fulfilling life.
10. Because children learn through parental modeling, physical punishment gives the message that hitting is an appropriate way to express feelings and to solve problems. If a child does not observe a parent solving problems in a creative and humane way, it can be difficult for him to learn to do this himself. For this reason, unskilled parenting often continues into the next generation.
Gentle instruction, supported by a strong foundation of love and respect, is the only truly effective way to bring about commendable behavior based on strong inner values, instead of superficially "good" behavior based only on fear.
Article #1
Discipline Your kids
I was munching on a burger, glancing at the day’s newspaper when a mother and two small children sat down at a distant booth in the restaurant. As the mom left briefly, probably to the ladies room, the boy and girl, maybe about 8 and 6, went into action.
They were apparently arguing over possession of the onion rings, when the boy went into a fit of anger and began throwing food! The splat of all beef patties could be heard slapping the face of his sister — the spray of mustard and ketchup hung ominously in the air before raining over the floor and nearby tables.
Not to be outdone, the little girl, with every ounce of strength heaved the tray, along with the coveted onion rings, down his shirt. And to top it off, she poured the full 20 ounces of her Dr. Pepper on his pants. Her face beamed with pride, as though awaiting the applause of the spectators.
By this time, the entire dining room had stopped in mid-bite, forks in hand, awaiting round two of what seemed to be a lightweight championship.
But then the real drama began as the mother had returned to the scene of the crime. The dining room was still — every eye and ear was open.
Surprisingly, there was no reprimand. “Could we have another order of sandwiches over here,” she said calmly, while wiping the faces of her fast food gladiators. Soda and condiments dripped steadily down the kids hair and clothing. Food and spatterings were on the walls and at least ten feet in every direction from the impact zone.
The manager emerged with a frown on his face. “Lady, I’m not gonna tell you how to raise your kids, but don’t you think a little discipline is in order here?” “If you mean a spanking, I’m afraid we just don’t believe in that. The children are just a bit grumpy today,” she said.
It may be my imagination, but I think there was a simultaneous gasp by the diners. Unless these children suffered some type of seizure, a good brisk spanking was probably in order, and would likely have invoked a standing ovation.
What’s happened to the thinking of modern parents? What ever happened to holding children accountable for their actions, and correcting...yes, even spanking them when they’re out of line?
From my perspective of the Bible, the scriptures not only provide an allowance for corporal punishment, such as “spanking,” but they actually mandate such discipline. The Bible says, “Don’t fail to correct your children; discipline won’t hurt them! They won’t die if you use a stick on them! Punishment will keep them out of hell” (Prov. 23:13 The Living Bible).
Of course, we’re not suggesting that parents should somehow abuse their children or beat them to a pulp. But moderate spanking on their bottom with some infliction of discomfort, has been, and will always be a vital means of correcting children. It was a significant mistake to ever remove it from our public school system. The lack of discipline is one of the greatest problems in today’s school rooms, and has contributed to a general disregard of authority and chaos in our land. The statistics seem to show that the abundance of crime in our nation is largely a result of the lack of loving parental role models and effective discipline in the home.
Why is there no discipline in the home and classroom? Largely because of a growing, Godless humanistic philosophy that denies the substance of absolute values and morality. Also, the sad reality of child abuse by dysfunctional parents has caused society to overreact toward all corporal punishment, fearing the extremities of abuse or the backlash of lawsuits.
Will discipline solve all problems with kids? No! The child must also know a parent’s love and affection, and must have a good role model to imitate. But don’t be misled, withholding discipline from children is not an act of love for them — rather, it is an act of love for ourselves, protecting our emotions from the fear of rejection by our child — or simply not caring about their future outcome. If we love our children we will undergo the ordeal of disciplining them. As the Bible says, “If you refuse to discipline your son, it proves you don’t love him; for if you love him, you will be prompt to punish him” (Prov. 13:24 The Living Bible).
Every Christian parent should bring correction to the behavior of their kids. The place to start is when they are small — not when they’re nearly grown up. Parents can find several good books on discipline at the Christian bookstore, such as James Dobson’s, “Dare To Discipline.”
Article #2
Ten Reasons Not to Hit Your Kids
by Jan Hunt, M.Sc.
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims, may be the most oppressive. Those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." - C.S. Lewis, 1952
In Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Finland, Iceland, Croatia, Cyprus, Latvia, Italy, Israel, Germany and Austria, it is illegal for a parent, teacher, or anyone else to spank a child. In some states and provinces, it is only illegal for a teacher to spank. In all areas of North America, physical punishment by a parent, as long as it is not severe, is still seen by many as necessary discipline, and condoned, or sadly, even encouraged.
For the past several years, many psychiatrists, sociological researchers, and parents have recommended that we seriously consider banning the physical punishment of children. The most important reason, according to Dr. Peter Newell, coordinator of the organization End Punishment of Children (EPOCH)1, is that "all people have the right to protection of their physical integrity, and children are people too."2
1. Hitting children teaches them to become hitters themselves. Extensive research data is now available to support a direct correlation between corporal punishment in childhood and aggressive or violent behavior in the teenage and adult years. Virtually all of the most dangerous criminals were regularly threatened and punished in childhood. It is nature's plan that children learn attitudes and behaviors through observation and imitation of their parents' actions, for good or ill. Thus it is the responsibility of parents to set an example of empathy and wisdom.
2. In many cases of so-called "bad behavior", the child is simply responding in the only way he can, given his age and experience, to neglect of basic needs. Among these needs are: proper sleep and nutrition, treatment of hidden allergy, fresh air, exercise, and sufficient freedom to explore the world around him. But his greatest need is for his parents' undivided attention. In these busy times, few children receive sufficient time and attention from their parents, who are often too distracted by their own problems and worries to treat their children with patience and empathy. It is surely wrong and unfair to punish a child for responding in a natural way to having important needs neglected. For this reason, punishment is not only ineffective in the long run, it is also clearly unjust.
3. Punishment distracts the child from learning how to resolve conflict in an effective and humane way. As the educator John Holt wrote, "When we make a child afraid, we stop learning dead in its tracks." A punished child becomes preoccupied with feelings of anger and fantasies of revenge, and is thus deprived of the opportunity to learn more effective methods of solving the problem at hand. Thus, a punished child learns little about how to handle or prevent similar situations in the future.
4. The phrase "Spare the rod and spoil the child" is not from the Bible but from Samuel Butler's "Hudibras", a 17th Century satirical poem. The poem, like his novel, The Way of All Flesh, was written to expose and denounce violence against children.
While the "rod" is mentioned many times in the Bible, it is only in the Book of Proverbs that this word is used in connection with parenting. The book of Proverbs is attributed to Solomon, an extremely cruel man whose harsh methods of discipline led his own son, Rehoboam, to become a tyrannical and oppressive dictator who only narrowly escaped being stoned to death for his cruelty. In the Bible there is no support for harsh discipline outside of Solomon's Proverbs. By contrast, the writings in the Gospels, the most important books in the Bible for Christians, contain the teachings of Jesus Christ, who urged mercy, forgiveness, humility, and non-violence. Jesus saw children as being close to God, and urged love, never punishment.3
5. Punishment interferes with the bond between parent and child, as it is not human nature to feel loving toward someone who hurts us. The true spirit of cooperation which every parent desires can arise only through a strong bond based on mutual feelings of love and respect. Punishment, even when it appears to work, can produce only superficially good behavior based on fear, which can only take place until the child is old enough to resist. In contrast, cooperation based on respect will last permanently, bringing many years of mutual happiness as the child and parent grow older.
6. Many parents never learned in their own childhood that there are positive ways of relating to children. When punishment does not accomplish the desired goals, and if the parent is unaware of alternative methods, punishment can escalate to more frequent and dangerous actions against the child.
7. Anger and frustration which cannot be safely expressed by a child become stored inside; angry teenagers do not fall from the sky. Anger that has been accumulating for many years can come as a shock to parents whose child now feels strong enough to express this rage. Punishment may appear to produce "good behavior" in the early years, but always at a high price, paid by parents and by society as a whole, as the child enters adolescence and early adulthood.
8. Spanking on the buttocks, an erogenous zone in childhood, can create in the child's mind an association between pain and sexual pleasure, and lead to difficulties in adulthood. "Spanking wanted" ads in alternative newspapers attest to the sad consequences of this confusion of pain and pleasure. If a child receives little parental attention except when being punished, this will further merge the concepts of pain and pleasure in the child's mind. A child in this situation will have little self-esteem, believing he deserves nothing better. For more on this topic, see "The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children" (also in French).
Even relatively moderate spanking can be physically dangerous. Blows to the lower end of the spinal column send shock waves along the length of the spine, and may injure the child. The prevalence of lower back pain among adults in our society may well have its origins in childhood punishment. Some children have become paralyzed through nerve damage from spanking, and some have died after mild paddlings, due to undiagnosed medical complications.
9. Physical punishment gives the dangerous and unfair message that "might makes right", that it is permissible to hurt someone else, provided they are smaller and less powerful than you are. The child then concludes that it is permissible to mistreat younger or smaller children. When he becomes an adult, he can feel little compassion for those less fortunate than he is, and fears those who are more powerful. This will hinder the establishment of meaningful relationships so essential to an emotionally fulfilling life.
10. Because children learn through parental modeling, physical punishment gives the message that hitting is an appropriate way to express feelings and to solve problems. If a child does not observe a parent solving problems in a creative and humane way, it can be difficult for him to learn to do this himself. For this reason, unskilled parenting often continues into the next generation.
Gentle instruction, supported by a strong foundation of love and respect, is the only truly effective way to bring about commendable behavior based on strong inner values, instead of superficially "good" behavior based only on fear.
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by momowilly on -
I think it's funny that people will use psychologist studies, recent research, to determine their values before using their ancestors lessons in making decisions...
I am the parent of an extremely bright, well-behaved 7 year old. She almost always listens the first time she's told something. Obviously, no one is perfect. Sometimes she daydreams and will forget something. Sometimes she lies. It happens. Not every offense is worth a swift smack on the bottom, but some are. I never, ever, ever, provide a smack without a very thorough explanation into why she will be receiving said smack and then a calm post-smack wrap-up with lots of love.
I was spanked rarely, but when it was necessary, and I'm far from "violent."
-
Permalink Reply by Liana on -
Momowilly, I could not agree with you more. I like your approach to explaining the action to your child. Back in the day, Big mama didn't always explain that whoopin' but ya kind knew why you got it anyway.
The lines between discipline and violence are being obscured. They are not the same and no one should be psychoanalyzed into believing that they are.
Great Comment, thank you.
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